Social differences are becoming more apparent the longer I am staying here.
There is a pretty big: “going out” culture, this is understandable as where many people here are cooped up in their offices all day. So the brief lunch escape from the air con is often taken very serious. The full hour that Malaysians get for their lunch is often spend at small outdoor restaurants. These places have little stalls and every stall has its speciality. Now, food is a subject not taken lightly here and they cherish variety and exploration. The time before the lunch is spend on long debates about food and on a lot of restaurant name dropping.
If I tell them during lunch about our “brown bread with cheese” lunch which is fairly common in The Netherlands, they stare at me in disbelief.
This example is a habit embedded into the culture, but on the social level I have also come to a revelation. Over the past few weeks I have mistaken single friends for couples and singles for couples. When this started to happen more often I started to get a bit worried about my personal perception skills.
I debated this with a friend and came to the conclusion that behavior for couples versus singles is nearly the opposite opposing to European couples. In Europe and especially in the more southern countries you would see couples showing the world how much they are in love. Holding hands, kissing in public and general displaying “mushy” behavior. In groups of friends on the other hand the sexes would be more separated and girls and guys keeping more distant. Here in Asia the situation is the opposite, couples are very shy of showing their love. When hanging out with a couple you really have to pay attention to see that they are together. There is hardly any public affectionate display, no holding hands, no public kissing, just the occasional hidden messages. On the other hand, girls and guys in friend groups can get very close.
I have not done any scientific research in this but it is not a long stretch to link it to Confucianism and togetherness. In Confucianism the group is more important than the individual, where in the European Greek background, individualism is more important. An Asian couple does not want to disturb the group with it's romance as where a couple is an individual on it's own and there is no place for such an individual. As for the group of friends, this is a group and within a group there is more trust. The European individualist sits on the other side of the scale. An European at that moment finds the relationship his/her most important thing, the group should except his/her romance. Where in a group of friends he stays composed, this to protect himself as where everyone does the same within the group.
I believe it is an important example of how Asians relate to each other. Even though that here in Malaysia the most Chinese are very diluted and differ in many ways from main land Chinese there is still this very prominent core of Confucianism.
Very interesting observation!
Yes, in a group, the couple doesn't want to appear like an 'island', and being affectionate to both males and female friends in a group helps reinforce the message that the energy between friends is more important than being an 'island'.
There is a pretty big: “going out” culture, this is understandable as where many people here are cooped up in their offices all day. So the brief lunch escape from the air con is often taken very serious. The full hour that Malaysians get for their lunch is often spend at small outdoor restaurants. These places have little stalls and every stall has its speciality. Now, food is a subject not taken lightly here and they cherish variety and exploration. The time before the lunch is spend on long debates about food and on a lot of restaurant name dropping.
If I tell them during lunch about our “brown bread with cheese” lunch which is fairly common in The Netherlands, they stare at me in disbelief.
This example is a habit embedded into the culture, but on the social level I have also come to a revelation. Over the past few weeks I have mistaken single friends for couples and singles for couples. When this started to happen more often I started to get a bit worried about my personal perception skills.
I debated this with a friend and came to the conclusion that behavior for couples versus singles is nearly the opposite opposing to European couples. In Europe and especially in the more southern countries you would see couples showing the world how much they are in love. Holding hands, kissing in public and general displaying “mushy” behavior. In groups of friends on the other hand the sexes would be more separated and girls and guys keeping more distant. Here in Asia the situation is the opposite, couples are very shy of showing their love. When hanging out with a couple you really have to pay attention to see that they are together. There is hardly any public affectionate display, no holding hands, no public kissing, just the occasional hidden messages. On the other hand, girls and guys in friend groups can get very close.
I have not done any scientific research in this but it is not a long stretch to link it to Confucianism and togetherness. In Confucianism the group is more important than the individual, where in the European Greek background, individualism is more important. An Asian couple does not want to disturb the group with it's romance as where a couple is an individual on it's own and there is no place for such an individual. As for the group of friends, this is a group and within a group there is more trust. The European individualist sits on the other side of the scale. An European at that moment finds the relationship his/her most important thing, the group should except his/her romance. Where in a group of friends he stays composed, this to protect himself as where everyone does the same within the group.
I believe it is an important example of how Asians relate to each other. Even though that here in Malaysia the most Chinese are very diluted and differ in many ways from main land Chinese there is still this very prominent core of Confucianism.
Comments (1)
By Juni @ 2009-09-15 13:38:Very interesting observation!
Yes, in a group, the couple doesn't want to appear like an 'island', and being affectionate to both males and female friends in a group helps reinforce the message that the energy between friends is more important than being an 'island'.